When are people disclosing herpes?
Read time: 5 - 8 minutes
In this week’s edition of Discover Intimacy, we’re talking about genital herpes. You may be thinking that this is not a particularly romantic topic – and you might be right in that assertion. However, it is a part of our intimate lives. Our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health have a direct impact on our own intimacy and on the individuals with whom we choose to be intimate.
We’re talking specifically about disclosure. When are people sharing that they have genital herpes? What are the milestones? And, how does this impact your discussions with existing or potential intimate partners?
Some Quick Biology
Genital herpes is a type of sexually transmitted infection (STI). It has no known cure, but there are medications that aid in suppression, helping to prevent outbreaks.
Genital herpes can be spread through skin-to-skin contact – even if there is no exchange of fluids. As such, it is a highly transmittable STI and roughly 1 in 6 individuals have the herpes virus in the genital region.
Condoms aid in decreasing the likelihood of transmission, but because condoms do not cover the entire genital area, transmission can still occur. As previously mentioned, medications aid in suppression of the virus, but do not prevent transmission entirely.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommend disclosing genital herpes status with partners prior to initiating any sexual activity.
The Fear
For all the sex we see, hear and have, societal attitudes towards sexually transmitted infections are largely negative. And while no infection is “celebrated” per se, individuals who contract STIs can carry deep shame and fear of labeling. If you only think briefly, you’ll recall some of the descriptions you may have heard (or said) about individuals with STIs – hoes, sluts, burning, nasty, loose, etc.
As a result, it’s no surprise that multiple studies have found individuals with STIs are afraid to disclose their status to their partners, regardless of the potential for transmission, and in some cases, their legal obligation - as is the case with HIV - to do so.
Does this suggest that these individuals should not overcome their fear and disclose their status? Certainly not. But, this also is not an essay on the morality of disclosure or lack thereof. We’re focused on actual disclosure behaviors as they exist.
About the Study
In a study entitled “Genital Herpes Disclosure Timing: The Role of Sexual and Romantic Relationship Milestones” in the Sexuality and Culture Journal, the author sought to understand when study participants disclosed their genital herpes status to their partners (casual or committed) relative to sexual and relationship milestones.
Study participants completed a double opt-in questionnaire online. First, they answered a battery of questions about their sexual health. Of the individuals who stated they have genital herpes, they were asked if they would answer additional questions about disclosure. The purpose of a double opt-in was to ensure disclosure questions were not presented to individuals who do not have genital herpes.
Once the group of individuals with genital herpes and who agreed to answer disclosure questions was established, they were then asked…
"Did you tell the last person you have sex with that you have genital herpes? This includes oral, anal or vaginal sex. This could be at any point in your sexual relationship with this person – telling could have occurred before or after sex."
And from there, they were presented a series of sexual and relationship milestones and responded to each indicating if they disclosed before or after that event. Examples of sexual milestones include: kissing, touching genitals, giving or receiving oral sex, vaginal sex, etc. Examples of relationship milestones include: first date, mutual declaration of exclusivity, engagement, marriage, etc.
So, what did folks say?
The percentage of participants who disclosed their status to their most recent partner was high – 80%. However, most individuals did not disclose until after they’d reached several sexual and relationship milestones. Meaning, folks are generally not sharing right away.
Individuals who disclosed were far more likely to have: gone on a first date, stopped dating other people, said “I love you,” received an “I love you,” gotten engaged and gotten married.
And, when considering the previously addressed fear individuals with genital herpes may have, it would stand to reason that they disclose their status once they have established the emotional comfort and safety often associated with more-than-casual encounters.
But what did they say about sex?
If we consider sex in the framework of a series of events building one upon the other – kissing to petting, petting to oral, oral to vaginal or anal intercourse – there are certain sexual milestones that prompt disclosing more than others.
20% disclosed before the first kiss
34% disclosed before stimulating their partner’s genitals with their hands
41% disclosed before their partner stimulated their genitals with a hand(s)
46% disclosed before performing oral sex on a partner
59% disclosed before receiving oral sex on a partner
59% disclosed before vaginal sex
56% disclosed before anal sex
Essentially the more “serious” the sexual activity became and the more “bases” they covered, the greater the likelihood of disclosure.
Mmmm, Kiss Me There
Of those who reported disclosing to their last partner and participating in oral sex, 59% reported disclosing prior to receiving oral sex, while 46% reported disclosing prior to giving oral sex.
This statistic is particularly interesting as many individuals who have genital herpes carry the herpes virus in their mouths (especially those with HSV-1), which suggests that the perceived threat of transmission may be higher with receiving oral sex than giving it, which doesn’t necessarily match the actual likelihood of transmission.
How does herpes disclosure stack up?
Relative to other non-curable STIs, disclosure or lack thereof, of genital herpes is within the normal range. Studies have found that anywhere between 16% (in the case of HIV) and 69% (in the case of genital warts) of disclosures occur after sex. Meaning, 16% of individuals with HIV disclose their status after sex, while 69% of individuals with genital warts disclose their status after sex.
What to do?
If you're sexually active or plan to be, have a discussion with your partner about your sexual histories. For individuals with genital herpes, this requires a certain amount of courage and vulnerability, so it would be prudent to determine if the person you’re engaging with has the mental and emotional maturity to receive what you are sharing. And, for individuals who do not have genital herpes, respectfully asking questions and creating fertile, receptive ground for others to share their history is key. It certainly doesn’t obligate you to engage sexually with anyone, but having space for mutual respect and privacy is something we all deserve and something we can all give.
About Study Participants
All participants (n=92) were at least 18 years of age, confirmed they have genital herpes and have had oral, anal or vaginal sex since their diagnosis.
94% reside in the United States
80% are White
80% are Female
74% are Heterosexual
Mean Age: 39.2 years, participants’ ages ranging from 18 – 73
~70% reporting their last relationship as committed (i.e. exclusive)
Sources
Journal: Sexuality & Culture
Article: Genital Herpes Disclosure Timing: The Role of Sexual and Romantic Relationship Milestones
Author: Jamie L. Myers
Date Published: September 2019