Slow Sex Part 3: Male OM-ing. 4-month Orgasms.

Read time: 6 - 8 minutes

This edition contains images to demonstrate concepts. These images are NOT appropriate for all audiences, so please be mindful as you read - in terms of where you are and who is around you.

This week, we complete our series on Slow Sex, based on the work of Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm.

Today, you will learn how to engage in Orgasmic Meditation (OM) on men. If you did not read last week’s edition, please do so as this week’s edition builds heavily on last week’s material. You can access last week’s edition HERE.

We’ll also cover sustaining orgasm for months (!!) at a time. Let’s begin!

OM-ing for Men

Remember, orgasmic meditation is a meditation-based practice where one partner strokes the other partner’s genitals for 15 minutes.

In an OM practice, we begin to look at orgasm not as the “main event,” but a collection of all pleasure events within our intimacy.

Everything we shared last week regarding mindset, requesting to OM with your partner, preparing the space, getting undressed and noticing (i.e. making observations vs. judgments), are all the same. Those things are done the same way for male OM-ing as female OM-ing.

So, let’s get right to the technique. There are two different types of seated positions for the stroker – both equally effective and totally dependent upon preference.

Now, let’s discuss the stroke. Here’s a diagram of male genitals to help support the stroker.

The following steps are directed to the stroker.

Step 1: Place lube on your hands, rubbing your hands together to warm the lube.

Step 2: Inform your partner you're about to make contact.

Step 3: Place your right hand underneath the scrotum and hold the balls gently (no squeezing).

Step 4: Wrap your left hand around the penis so that your palm is in contact with the backside of the shaft (i.e. the side facing the stomach) and your thumb and forefingers meet in front.

Step 5: Stroke once upward from the base of the shaft to the tip, spreading lube as you go.

Step 6: At the top of the shaft, stroke slowly and gently, focusing on the one-inch area just below the head of the penis.

Step 7: Try different strokes, but apply pressure much lighter than a typical hand job. Rotate your hand, alternate pressure and speed (within the light-ish range).

Step 8: Do this for 15 minutes, providing notice at minute 13 that 2 minutes remain.

Step 9: Ground your partner by applying firm (not hard) pressure with both hands around the shaft. You can also press the penis against the stomach for grounding. Be firm, but gentle. 

Step 10: Share frames. (See previous edition for details.)

IMPORTANT: The male partner may not develop an erection. That's fine. It doesn't mean that the OM-ing is not working. There should be no expectation nor pressure from either party to produce an erection. The presence or lack of it mean absolutely nothing to this practice. Furthermore, there should be no expectation or pressure for any type of ejaculatory event.

The Art & Practice of Sustained Orgasm

The key to understanding the possibility of sustained orgasm is recognizing that orgasm and climax, in this context, are not synonymous. Orgasm, meaning the energy that flows through the body when we attend to and pursue our desires, is not solely available during sexual activity as the pursuit of desire is not relegated to sexual activity alone.

According to Daedone, “Connecting to this orgasm is the deeper purpose of OM. OM holds both of us, stroker and receiver alike, in a state of receptive openness for at least 15 minutes a day. It gives us an easy way to marinate in the sensations that are already coming through our bodies so they can nourish us.”

When we live a life...

a) prepared to release long-held expectations; 

b) are willing to be open and receptive to new experiences and a new approach (as OM provides);

c) are dialed into our sensations and fully present to acknowledge them; and

d) are bold enough to ask for what we want in all areas of our lives…

we give this energy space and freedom to flow throughout our bodies all the time.

“Desire is also our native wisdom, our true north. It points us in the direction we are meant to go – the place where the most sensation will be found. The more sensation, the more enjoyment. The more enjoyment, the happier we are.”

With these principles guiding us, we can harness and maintain our orgasmic energy for as long as we're willing to sustain it - both inside the bedroom and out.

That concludes our three-part series on Slow Sex! Thank you for joining us on this three-week journey. We’ll be back next week to explore a brand new topic.